Yesterday marked the beginning of Lent for many but in the past I never gave it a chance.. seriously. Yeah maybe in the past it was the "giving up chocolates and sweets" but Lord knows that, that only lasted a good week! This past weekend sitting there in church it struck me: why don't I take this opportunity to strengthen my relationship with God and also my relationship with amazing partner, Taylor.
Lets back up, yes I do go to church, yes I do love my Father above and yes I know that my trust is in Him. But confession time.. do I wish I had a stronger relationship with Him, yes. Do I commit my days to Him everyday, no. I will be the first to sit here and say I would be lying if I read His word everyday nor even prayed. So why am I sitting here on my Tuesday afternoon writing to all you about my relationship with God? Because of humility. For Lent this year, I chose not to give something up but to devote my time to Him and strengthen my relationship with others. Maybe it's time that I'm giving to him. I rarely do that. New Pointe has given everyone a pamphlet on the monthly endeavor taking a word/thought each week and breaking it down that way. Of course this weeks chosen word to focus on is humility. As I sat here this morning I was trying to think of a time that I made the biggest fool out of myself... sounds easy enough right? But as I dug deeper, the thoughts from last night's argument with Taylor had popped up.
Taylor and I have a great relationship. Him and I would both agree that we love each other very much but like every relationship there's disagreement and hurt. We're broken people.. we all are. See for Lent I had not only wanted to grow my relationship with God alone.. I wanted to grow with Taylor as well. A way that we could both connect and grow with God's love. He had started a few weeks back reading the Bible every night for 15 minutes. I'm extremely happy for him for it was a step that I haven't even take. Last night marked the beginning of our studies and as I nudged him to wait for me to read with him, he seemed hesitate. Long story short I ended up upset with his words and left the room after he had rolled over to sleep while I sat there frustrated and upset.
This morning as I found a note of his apology, I sat on the couch and thought about his actions and more importantly, mine. When he rolled over last night, I felt abandoned, hurt, and.. alone. I was upset and his actions suggested like he hadn't cared. Every time I get upset with him, I roll over and ignore him. I have taught him to do the same to me. I couldn't sit here this morning and be mad at his actions, the ones I have taught him, and hold that grudge against him.
"Why the heck are you telling us this Lyssa?!" I'm getting there!
I am humiliated by the way I act sometimes, whether I realize it in the moment or a day later. This is one of those instances. This week I'd like to focus on humility and humbling myself. I owe it to God himself that His grace was enough to cover all my imperfections and selfish actions. I will be reminding myself to think twice before speaking and reminding myself to humble myself before others.
Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
1 Peter 5:5
Much love and blessings, Alyss